Either They Have Sex With You No Reason to Talk to Them Again
Picture this (adopts Sophia from Golden Girls voice): You're attracted to someone. You recollect they're funny, clever, witty, and that they embody all of the physical qualities that y'all similar. You appear to share common interests and possess a like outlook. After a date or few, you sleep together and feel every bit if there's an amazing connection. A pattern emerges. Later on the initial burst of calls/texts/emails and off-the-chains sex activity, you're in not-knowing-where-you-stand territory. But you're however sleeping together.
One night, lying in that location in the afterglow of another proficient session, you tentatively inquire what the score is. Or, you mention a forthcoming event that yous'd similar them to come to with yous. You want to progress things, and there'southward a niggling business organisation that they're using you lot for sex activity, although you really don't want to meet it this mode. Every time these thoughts creep in, yous remind yourself of when you lot were laughing a few weeks ago. You remember the stuff they talked most doing with y'all (but have made no moves to), or when they said that they really enjoy your visitor. Y'all reason that it's pretty obvious that you're crazy near them, so surely they're not stringing you along?
You're in the Justifying Zone, that glace gradient many people go to where they look for reasons to justify their initial emotional and sexual investment instead of saying "I'm out." Turns out, y'all can have sexual activity with someone and information technology not mean that you're destined to be together forever and ever.
After posing the question, the atmosphere changes. They pull themselves onto their side and await at you lot. "I'yard having a really good fourth dimension you know, but let's not ruin things. Permit's just get with the menses." You lot suddenly feel exposed and vulnerable. "What do y'all mean?", you ask hesitantly. "Well… I just don't desire y'all to go all serious on me considering, to be honest, I'grand not actually looking for a relationship right now… Is that OK?"
Um, well, no, information technology's not OK! But what the hell are you supposed to say when you're lying there naked in a room that reeks of sex activity?
Every bit I type these words, more than than a few people out there are having sex with someone with who they accept more a casual interest. Unfortunately, that aforementioned person isn't interested in them and/or a relationship.
In an ideal world, yous'd like to think that shagging each other and even buffering it with hanging out, dinners, and some contact, would be an automatic precursor to a human relationship. But, it's non.
If someone is having sex with you and they're not interested, or they don't want to have a human relationship, it's because in their mind it's a coincidental human relationship. They may overvalue what they bring to the table, assuming that because they're having a good time, that you're grateful they're breaking you off a piece.
Information technology'due south actually pretty ridiculous that someone who, for instance, has the cheek to tell you that they're non interested, nevertheless wants to exchange bodily fluids. That they'd expect you lot to appoint in all sorts of sexual acts. Why don't they skip on downwards the road to someone else and get out yous to put your fourth dimension, energy and, um, bodily fluids elsewhere?
Unfortunately, at that place are more than than a few people out there who like the idea of sleeping with someone who seems crazy about them and believes that the relationship is going somewhere. It's an effed-up power trip. It also allows them to be uninhibited and let their real sexual self hang out because they don't intendance. They feel as if they have no responsibilities and you're but this sexual plaything. Yep, pretty damn degrading.
Not wanting a relationship but yet sleeping with you while doing dating actions, messes with your caput.
Information technology looks similar a relationship and in your mind, feels like a relationship, but information technology has the hallmarks, not the landmarks of a human relationship (delivery, progression, balance, intimacy, and consistency, plus shared values, beloved, care, trust, and respect). It's coincidental.
While some are upfront, others don't say anything until they really have to. This is typically around the fourth dimension when you want things to progress or are looking for description. They might kid themselves, insisting that they initially genuinely wanted a relationship, merely at some point, they changed their mind. And didn't requite you a heads-upwards… This removed the opportunity for you to decide what you do or don't want to participate in. Information technology's also a case of, why endanger the skilful time…and why create conflict. So they say nothing.
People who claim to take "changed their mind" only said nothing, weren't genuinely in the market for something more.
On the flip side, then many people hear "I don't desire a relationship", "I'm unavailable" or "I'm not interested/a jackass". And they ignore it. Why? Because they focus on the action. They think, "Well we're having sex, they all the same text me, and we have and so much fun together, so evidently they do want a relationship." No, they don't. Actions and words must lucifer. No match, no relationship.
Then many people ask, "Why are they withal having sex with me then?"
"Having" implies that you have nothing to practise with information technology. Like you're helpless to a shag machine and that you lot don't have whatsoever say in what does and doesn't happen. It's as if you don't demand to read whatever hints considering nudity's involved.
You should be request "Why are we still sleeping together if they have shown or communicated their disinterest? Why am I even so there if they've shown or communicated that they don't want the relationship that I've said I want?"
Reply this question and you lot tin commencement stripping the illusions out of this interest. You tin take activeness that gives you back your power.
Some people will chance their arm. If they tin can become what they want, they'll take it. It's non cute, it's not cool, and it's actually disrespectful. This is why you shouldn't apply sexual involvement as a barometer for the human relationship you want. Def-in-ite-ly not for what you lot perceive someone's feelings to be! It also doesn't affair if you want more than. If they don't and yous keep to sleep with them, they assume you are on their terms.
Non only are sexual organs poor judges of grapheme, but sexual practice should never be used every bit a footing for working out what the hell is going on in your human relationship.
If you're defaulting to sexual activity, information technology'due south because the relationship is defective on other fronts.
It's very difficult to estimate someone's true character and intent immediately. Time and experience demonstrate this. Avoid 'negotiating' with sex. Some folk would sell their mama for sex! At the very to the lowest degree, they'd sell you a big dream and a fake persona to get y'all into bed.
If you lot're someone that values sexual interactions and struggles with the discovery phase and sleeping together, boring downward. Don't have sex until yous can manage the ii. But on discovering that someone's interest isn't mutual and that they don't desire the relationship you want, pull your pants up. It's time to flush them out of your life. Persisting will leave y'all feeling devalued. Don't allow your ego or libido bullheaded you lot to what yous need to do. You'll give thanks yourself later on.
Your thoughts?
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Source: https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-they-keep-having-sex-with-me-if-theyre-not-interested-or-dont-want-the-relationship-i-want/
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